Thinking about inviting ASTROGLIDE into your bedroom? Here's how to have the "lube talk."
Settling into a routine has its perks. You get your own designated side of the bed, your own extra comfy recliner in the living room and you can really start racking up those rewards points at your favorite restaurant (and who doesn’t love scoring free appetisers?) But sex? When it comes to getting rowdy, a routine is usually the last thing most couples want.
Lots of couples look for ways to shake things up, and that’s when many of them reach for a bottle of lube. They may be looking to try something new, or they may simply be hoping to make sex feel better. No matter what your goal, you may feel a little anxious about bringing that little lube bottle into the bedroom. This guide can help.
Should You Have a Sex Lube Talk?
Before you choose an ASTROGLIDE formula, you should start by asking yourself: why do I want to use lube? Don’t worry, there’s no “right” answer here. But understanding why you want to add personal lubricant to your sex life can help you understand your needs (and your partner’s needs) much easier. Here are a few reasons you might want to give lube a try:
- You’re bored with your current sex life. You want to experience new things and feel the “spark” you felt when you and your partner first got together.
- You want sex to feel better and you know cutting down on friction can help!
- You or your partner experience vaginal dryness. Most women deal with this issue at least occasionally, and women who are menopausal, post-menopausal, have just had a baby or are on certain medications may have moderate to severe pain caused by vaginal dryness.
- You want to try multiple sex positions, tease your partner, or just go all night, but you need a little help keeping things slick.
- You’ve been using personal lubricant for your solo sessions and want to share the love.
How to Introduce Sex Lube into the Bedroom
So should you sit down and have a talk about introducing lube into your lovemaking, or should you just go for it?
The answer really depends on your partner and your communication style. Ask yourself: have I introduced new things into the bedroom before? If so, how did it go? Was my partner excited or thrown off guard?
If you’ve always stuck to the same moves between the sheets try to think about your partner and how they feel about surprises. Do they love the idea of spontaneous date? Or are they the kind of person who tells you exactly what they want for their birthday and gets upset if you stray from their wishlist?
If they are the type that doesn’t mind a little spontaneity, you might consider just introducing lube in the moment. Keep the lube somewhere close at hand, and when things are getting hot and heavy say something like, “You know what would be really hot? If we tried a little lube tonight. What do you think?” Chances are you’ll get the green light.
How to Bring Up Using Personal Lubricant with a Partner
The prospect of bringing up a suggestion for your sex life with your partner can be a little intimidating.
Some couples feel comfortable openly discussing these sorts of things, but if that’s not you and your partner, know that you aren’t alone. Everyone’s relationship and communication style is different.
However, if you’re feeling a little nervous about bringing it up, the trick is to not overthink it too much. As Tara Stryk, the editor of Kinkly.com explains, “Communicate with your partner. Be direct, be kind and be positive when bringing up anything new in the bedroom. Lube isn't too intimidating for most people, so simply suggesting that a little lubricant might make things sexier for you should do the trick for most people.”
While a direct and positive approach will work for most people, when bringing up the possibility of introducing lube into the bedroom, it’s important to remember that women in particular may feel a little self-conscious about the idea.
As clinical sexologist, Marlene Wasserman explains, “Lube is sometimes associated with shame for a woman who has a dry vagina. In essence, this shame has been used as a way to protect male sexual ego. He feels offended if he attempts to enter a vagina or touch a vulva that is not instantly wet.”
However, the expectation that a woman always be ready to go in that way really isn’t realistic. Some women just need a little more foreplay to get in the mood, and even when there’s plenty of foreplay, there are lots of other potential causes of vaginal dryness that don’t have anything to do with whether or not a woman is feeling turned on by her partner. That’s why Marlene recommends reframing these ideas about lubrication.
How Can Lube Improve Your Sex Life?
Whether you’re looking to spice things up, try some new techniques or just need a little extra lubrication where it counts, lube can be a fun and exciting addition to your sex life. As sexologist Megan Stubbs explains, “Lube can help your sex life by helping facilitate easier penetration and reduce friction on skin. Whether it is used in solo or partnered play, the addition of lube is always welcome.”
Not only is lube always a welcome addition, but in some cases, it’s a necessary one.
For example, some of the most killer handjob techniques need lube to be effective, and as Dr. Stubbs reminds us, “some activities absolutely require lube" because the delicate tissues around your genitals can be more sensitive than the rest of your body. Which is why, even if vaginal dryness isn’t something that you or your partner deal with on a regular basis, lube is still a great thing to have on hand when you want to add a little spark to your fire."
What Kind of Sex Lube Should You Use?
If you haven’t used lube before you might be surprised at how many different kinds there are. However, don’t let the seemingly endless varieties intimidate you. With a little bit of knowledge of the basics of lube, you should have no problem finding the one that’s best for you and your partner.
As relationship and intimacy gurus Charlie and Rissy Ervin of Please My Spouse explain, “There are several types of lube: water-based, silicone and hybrid. If you are allergic to silicone products, water-based lubes will work best. Always check the ingredients before you make your purchase.”
Like with anything else, practice makes perfect. The more experience you have with lube, the more you’ll know about your preferences.
Charlie and Rissy agree: “You have to experiment with different types of sex lubes. Lubes can have many uses and some are made for particular products and sexual acts. Also, some lube are edible or non-edible so you have to plan out your night ahead of time. Lastly, if you have anything that you’re allergic to, make sure you check the label for any ingredients that may cause an allergic reaction.”
Get some more lube learnin'
If you’d like to learn more about the different kinds of lubes on the market, you can find some great guides on our blog. We’ll even send you a free sample so that you can try it out before you buy it to make sure it’s right for you.
However, if you’re a lube newb and would just like to get a feel for the basics, here’s what you need to know about the different kinds of lube:
- Water-based Lube: By far the most common kind, water-based lubes provide smooth lubrication and are easy to clean up — which is always a bonus. Most are also safe to use with your silicone sex toys. It’s no wonder that water-based lubes are a favorite for many couples.
- Silicone-based Lube: If you’re looking for a lube that can stay with you for a marathon session, or even during water play, silicone-based lubes could be the right choice for you. Silicone gives these lubes a silkier feel than water based lubes, and they won’t wash away in the shower, the hot tub or anywhere else where you decide to get wet and wild.
The only real downside of silicone-based lube is that it can damage silicone sex toys over time, so make sure that you know the ingredients in your lube and your toys before you introduce them to each other.
- Oil-based Lube: While some people enjoy the sensation of oil-based lubes as well as the fact that they can hydrate your skin, they are less easy to clean up. Another major consideration is that oil-based lubes aren’t safe to use with condoms because they can cause the latex to break down, become porous or even tear. If you’re planning to use your sex lube with condoms, you’ll definitely want to choose another option.
Fun Ways to Use Lube
While using lube might seem pretty self-explanatory, the truth is that there are lots of sexy ways to incorporate it into your sex life that you might not have thought about. As sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and author of She Comes First explained to Women’s Health there are lots of ways to take your lube game to the next level. Here are some of his suggestions:
1.) Bring It Into the Shower
If you’ve ever tried to have sex in a shower or a pool before, you probably figured out pretty quickly that, while water may be wet, it doesn’t provide the sort of slippery experience that makes sex pleasurable.
In fact, water can actually wash away your natural lubrication creating even more friction. However, adding a little silicone-based lube to the mix can fix that problem and get you back to enjoying yourselves.
2.) Use Flavoured Lube During Oral
Using a flavored lube can make pleasing your partner orally even more fun. Just a few drops will have your sweetie tasting even sweeter so you can focus on enjoying the moment together.
3.) Take the Basic Hand job to the Next Level
Many couples rush past manual play to get to the main event, but a little bit of lube can make you both want to enjoy the pleasure of touch a little longer. Lube can help ease the friction of manual stimulation which helps make it more enjoyable for both men and women.