Life is a journey — not a destination. The same can be said of sex. While the big “O” may be supremely satisfying, the buildup to sexual climax has the potential to be equally erotic and fulfilling. The desire for foreplay is universal — research indicates that both men and women desire a similar duration of foreplay (an average of 18.5 minutes). If you’re looking to seduce, excite and wow your partner with your sexual skills (all while getting more of what you crave), consider these simple strategies to get your started.
1. Slow Down
Most of us move more quickly than we realise when we’re excited and/or nervous.
My advice? Whatever your inclination may be regarding speed — cut it in half. One of the best strategies to ensure that you’re not hasty in your approach to sex involves slowing down your breath.
Take a moment to consciously inhale as slowly and deeply as possible before releasing an exaggerated exhale. You’ll likely feel more calm, present and connected even with one purposeful breath.
2. Use the Backs of Your Hands
Many people complain that their partners are too rough and don’t approach sex with enough sensuality.
Unfortunately, they don’t have the words to describe exactly what they want when it comes to physical touch.
If this describes your experience, consider suggesting to your partner that they only use the backs of their hands to touch you for the first minute or two. Their touch will likely lighten and slow down as they experience the texture, shape and temperature of your skin against the sensitive backs of their fingers.
3. Use Your Breath
Your breath is one of the most underused tools in your pleasure arsenal.
Lick your lips and breathe warm air over your partner’s skin with a soft open mouth. Purse your lips and exhale very gently to create a cooling sensation.
Lick your way down the sides of their body in a long snake pattern and then breathe over the wet path you’ve created. You can use this technique anywhere on their body or focus on these often overlooked erogenous zones.
4. Play With Lube
Astroglide’s O lube, an organic oil-based formula, can be perfect for a sensual massage designed to simultaneously relax and excite the senses.
Apply a few drops to the palms of your hands as you sweep them slowly across the body in opposite directions. As their breath slows and deepens, work your way down between their legs and massage their inner thighs with figure-eight, oval and pitter-patter strokes to tease around their hottest spots.
5. Make Sure Foreplay Begins Outside of the Bedroom.
You are not a sexual light switch.
You cannot go from talking about your in-laws, bathing the kids or discussing your dog’s adorable habits to tearing one another’s clothes off. (If you can, then you’re the exception and hey…you do you.)
Rather than trying to shift from roommates or co-parents to lovers as soon as you hit the sheets, try to eroticise your daily interactions:
- Flirt with your eyes, fingertips, tone and words.
- Keep first-world complaints (traffic, weather, poor customer service) to a minimum.
- Greet each other with enthusiasm and warmth even if you’re not in the best of moods.
- Hold your hugs for an extra ten seconds.
- Offer compliments freely.
- Send sexy or playful texts that remind your partner that you want them.
6. Build Anticipation.
Anticipation is often the hottest part of sex.
Just like planning a vacation, the preparatory rituals (reading hotel reviews, shopping for resort wear and scouting out the top attractions) can be just as exciting and satisfying as the vacation itself.
And research suggests that dopamine (one chemical associated with pleasure) spikes even more significantly when you’re anticipating pleasure than when you experience it. So instead of heading straight to their hottest spots or pulling out your money-moves as soon as you hit the sheets, make a conscious effort to resist and tease them into a frenzy:
- Breathe over their nipples or roll your tongue around the sides of the chest without sucking them into your mouth.
- Tease your lips over theirs gently without diving in for the kiss.
- Blindfold them and turn on your favourite vibrating toy so they can hear the sounds, but make them wait for the physical sensations.
Some scientists believe that as we anticipate sex, our bodies become better-prepared for the physical experience because of classical conditioning, so you may find that staving off pleasure makes it all the more intense.