How many have you tried?
Sex is great, but have you ever cancelled plans and climbed into a comfy bed?
Sex is great, but have you ever fallen asleep to a lover rubbing your back?
Sex is great, but have you ever eaten a meal so good you just had to moan?
We talk about sex often and for good reason. It’s a powerful source of pleasure, connection, self-expression and exhilaration. But pleasure doesn’t begin or end in the bedroom and sex is far from the only source of pleasure. Many experiences rival or surpass sex in terms of emotional intimacy, bodily sensation, and psychological release.
Of course, the definition of sex varies from person to person and what feels good is deeply personal. For some, sex is about deep emotional connection. For others, it’s playful, physical, or exploratory. No matter how you define it, there is value in expanding experiences of pleasure beyond orgasm, performance and social prescribed expectations. Let’s explore seven pleasures that might just be better than sex (or at least, just as fulfilling) from the erotic to the emotional to the unexpected.
Skinny-Dipping & Moonlight Showers
There’s something beautifully freeing about letting go of layers. Shed clothing, expectations, and tension as you slide into water under open sky and see how it feels in your body, mind and soul. Whether you’re slipping into a still lake at dusk, a secluded salt water cove (lucky you!) or stepping into a warm outdoor shower under the stars, these moments offer a unique kind of sensuality.
Skinny-dipping is playful, pleasurable and bold. It offers an opportunity for you to reconnect with your body and the natural world. The cool water against bare skin coupled with the thrill of allowing your body to be free in the open air can awaken your senses in ways that feel both grounding and exhilarating.
Moonlight showers similarly can feel quiet, soft and liberating. The steam and the warm cascade of flowing water over your skin creates the perfect recipe for being present, indulging in solitude or sharing a private moment with a lover. There’s a unique pleasure in the calm of water set against the quiet thrill of breaking the rules. This pairing has the potential to both stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and the brain’s reward pathways, reminding us that freedom, like pleasure, often lives just outside the lines we’ve been told to follow.
Crying With Someone Who Holds You Through It
We often associate intimacy with touch, sex, or words of affirmation. But some of the deepest intimacy emerges in moments of vulnerability. When you’re hurt, scared, sad or just in need of emotional release and someone who cares for you holds you in their arms, it can create the most meaningful pleasure -- in trust, safety and presence. When they don’t offer solutions or rush to “fix” the mood, but simply wrap themselves around you as you cry, pressure dissolves and space for connection opens.
There’s a different kind of pleasure in knowing that you don’t have to hide your feelings or hold it together to be safe and loved. By showing emotional availability during times of distress, they reinforce safety and in a world that can be overwhelming, safety is a form of pleasure.
Full-Body Massage
Being touched with no goal in mind can be deeply intimate and incredibly soothing. Imagine no rush to get to the “main event”, no pressure to perform and no counting the minutes until you have to be somewhere. Instead, imagine slow, intentional hands moving across your body, warm oil gliding over your skin and time set aside just for physical touch, connection, relaxation and pleasure.
This type of touch can ease all tension and signal to your nervous system that it’s safe to let go. You can melt into it and simply receive. This is how you take pleasure in stillness, slowness and surrender. Take a deep breath and exhale.
Waking Up Slowly with no Place To Be
There’s a quiet kind of pleasure in waking without an alarm, knowing you have nowhere to be, no one to attend to and no checklist to address. You may find that your body rolls, moves and stretches instinctively. Your breath may slow and deepen. And you’re likely to really feel everything around you -- from the breeze through the window to the comfort of your warm sheets wrapped around you. By clearing your schedule, you’ll likely find that time slows down. When you don’t rush to get dressed, ignore your calendar and put your phone away so you’re not tempted to check messages, it’s easier to clear your mind and allow your body to fall into its natural rhythm.
It might sound impossible to create this type of space and time, but it’s worth it, as it can be deeply restorative. This isn’t just about rest (although rest is pleasure in and of itself!), but about intentionally reclaiming your time and your energy without demands or expectations. Some people call this a flow state or psychological flow readiness — when the mind is calm enough to later enter high-engagement states with greater ease and clarity.
Creating Something with your Hands
The act of creating from scratch, whether you're kneading dough, painting, writing, or rearranging a room, can help you to tap into something primal and satisfying. It’s not about perfection or productivity, but about connecting to your senses and expressing something personal and uniquely yours.
Research suggests that these creative experiences can lead to flow states, where time seems to dissolve and your mind feels both focused and free. This sense of engagement and immersion can bring pleasure that’s emotionally rich, self-directed, and surprisingly calming. It doesn’t have to be art, but it might be. And you don’t have to share it unless this adds to the pleasure. Whatever you create, let it serve you, so that the process is as pleasurable as the outcome.
Being Surrounded by Love and Support
There’s nothing better than being loved and cared for. And when you don’t have to ask for support because you’ve created connections and community, pleasure is abundant. This is the type of pleasure that can’t be described in words. It runs deep and it’s overwhelming. When folks show up to celebrate in the best of times and comfort you in the worst, you can soften, let go of performance and sink into pleasure -- because they too derive pleasure from your pleasure.
Life doesn’t get better than this. Whether they’re planning a party or sitting in silence, the love and support of your community reminds you that you’re not alone and that you always matter. This is the type of pleasure that creates peace, ease and authenticity. And you deserve it. But you also have to create it, as connections of all kinds require nurturing. This kind of care allows you to soften. You no longer have to perform strength or pretend that everything is fine. You get to be exactly as you are. There is pleasure in that kind of honesty. There is peace in being received without condition.
Mindful Masturbation
While masturbation is absolutely a type of sex, mindful masturbation invites you to explore your body for pleasure without rushing to a specific goal. As you slow down, tune into your body, and focus on sensation without pressure to reach orgasm, you may find that pleasure builds in unexpected ways — deeper, slower, and more connected.
Dim the lights, sink into your comfy sheets, and let your hands (or toys) wander with curiosity. Tune into what you feel, including textures, temperatures, and rhythms you may not have fully experienced before. This isn’t about performance or release. It’s about presence. It’s about learning what feels good for you, on your own terms. It’s a reminder that pleasure isn’t something to chase but is something you can savour.
Take your time. Breathe deeply. Stay curious.
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Pleasure comes in many forms. It lives in our bodies, in our connections and in moments that don’t require great effort. When we expand pleasure beyond intensity or outcome, we start to notice how much of it already surrounds us. And if we choose to nurture and lean into these everyday pleasures, life becomes richer and so many of our stresses dissolve.
Here’s to inviting more pleasure into your life -- gently, intentionally and on your own terms.