Drag performers are experts in transformation — on stage, in real life and often in six-inch heels. They teach us to be bold, take up space, and celebrate our bodies with unapologetic flair. So, when it comes to sex, it’s no surprise that they bring insight, self-awareness, and a very healthy dose of pleasure-positive energy.
I spoke with two incredible performers who generously shared their best advice for better sex.
Dahlia Doll is a multifaceted artist, performer and community leader who has graced the screens on shows like Private Eyes, Call Me Mother, and Cash Cab Music.
Justin Abit is a sex educator, media personality and Drag King who leaves snail trails of glitter everywhere he goes.
Here are a few of their pearls of wisdom that apply from the main stage to the bedroom.
Build desire for yourself first
Confidence is king, queen and all royalty.
Desire doesn’t start in your partner’s eyes — it starts in your own. One of the most important lessons shared by both performers was this: get comfortable finding yourself desirable so you can fully enjoy intimacy with someone else.
“Don’t put too much weight on receiving validation from others,” Justin explains. “If you don’t find yourself sexy, it will be harder to relax, have fun, and you might find yourself getting self-conscious during sex. Nothing kills arousal quicker than self-doubt.”
Dahlia echoes this sentiment, sharing her own experience after struggling with body image issues. “Confidence starts with how you feel about yourself. For me, it’s all about how I present to my partner — whether that means doing my hair, putting on a bit of makeup, or just moving my body to feel good. It’s about whatever makes you feel empowered in that moment.”
This means prioritizing intention over perfection. You may choose to care for yourself in ways that help you feel grounded, attractive, and capable of receiving pleasure. Whether that means working out, eating well, dressing up, or simply holding space for your body as it is, investing in yourself helps to quiet self-doubt and turn the volume up on confidence.
And remember: feeling seen and heard can be just as sexy as looking good. When you feel confident in your skin, connection comes more naturally—because you’re not performing; you’re showing up.
Sex yourself!
Want to be a better lover? Start by becoming a better solo explorer. Dahlia recommends experimenting with toys or touch on your own to understand what feels good and what doesn’t. “It helps build confidence and makes partnered play more satisfying,” she explains. Your pleasure is worth discovering for yourself, not just for someone else’s benefit.
She adds that your lover is likely to love seeing you enjoy yourself. “My partner gets turned on when he knows I’m really into it, which makes the whole experience better for both of us.”
Cultivate radical curiosity
Don’t assume. Ask, listen, and watch.
One of the sexiest skills you can develop? Attunement.
“Pay attention to this partner,” Justin emphasises. What felt good to someone else might not work here, and that’s part of the fun.
Dahlia agrees: stay curious, communicate openly, and co-create the experience together.
You don’t need to know everything — just be ready to learn, listen and serve.
Explore overlooked erogenous zones
Pleasure isn’t limited to the genitals—and if you’re skipping the so-called “in-between” zones, you may be missing out on some of the most electrifying sensations. Both Justin and Dahlia emphasise the importance of paying attention to parts of the body that are often ignored.
“There are so many nerve endings along the labia and the vaginal opening that are neglected or flat-out ignored,” says Justin. “Give the labia a light spank or pinch. That sensation will light them up!” It’s a reminder that teasing these areas can unlock entirely new layers of arousal—if you slow down enough to notice.
And if you’re working with a penis? “No two are the same,” Justin adds, “but something a lot of people ignore is pressing or stimulating the perineum (aka the taint).” This thin strip of skin between the genitals and anus is rich with nerve endings and can intensify sensation across the whole pelvic region.
“And also—a good finger in or around the anus, if people are up for it, is chef’s kiss for any situation.”
When we move away from routine and approach the body with curiosity, even the simplest touch becomes an opportunity to discover something new.
Be sure to check out our Erogenous Zones Roadmap.
Slow it way down
In a culture obsessed with instant gratification, slowing down can be a radical and deeply erotic act. Justin reminds us of something many people overlook: “Why do we rush past making out?”
Tease it. Don’t seize it.
A kiss isn’t just a prelude to something more but can be a powerful source of pleasure on its own. Lingering lips, warm breath, gentle tongue, fingers drifting across the skin -- these small moments build anticipation, which in turn intensifies arousal.
“Try stimulating your partner through other means,” Justin adds. “Tongue or caress the neck, run your hands over their bare skin as you move toward their erogenous zones.” This kind of full-body teasing activates the nervous system gradually, allowing desire to grow rather than demanding it appear on cue.
Dahlia echoes this approach, recommending that you “start slowly and gradually build up intensity depending on your connection.” Whether it’s your first time together or one of many, pacing allows both partners to stay attuned—not just to pleasure, but to presence.
When we move slowly, we create more space for sensation, feedback, and connection. You don’t need to race to the genitals or rush to orgasm. Sometimes the build-up is where the real magic happens -- on stage and in the bedroom.
Werk your words: Communication is the ultimate power move
In sex, as in drag, confidence may be royalty, but it only gets you so far without clear communication. You can’t lip-sync for your life if you don’t know the words and you can’t truly connect in bed without sharing and listening.
“Whether you’re in a monogamous relationship, an open one, or a throuple,” Dahlia shares, “you need to be clear about your needs, boundaries, and expectations.” Ditch the guessing games because real intimacy requires real talk. “I’ve been in both closed and open relationships, and the one thing that always matters is honesty,” she adds. “Be upfront about how you feel and what you want. Your voice matters. And remember, sex is a natural part of life, it should be enjoyed, explored, and respected.”
Being honest about your desires, limits, and insecurities isn’t just useful -- it’s sexy. “Ask questions, explore together, and never assume,” Dahlia says. When your partner feels heard, they’re more likely to open up and lean in. When you feel seen, you’re more likely to relax and let go. That mutual visibility? That’s the kind of glow you can’t get from highlighter.
So, if you want mind-blowing sex, start with your mouth—and not just for kissing. Try a check-in before the clothes come off. Practice saying what you like out loud (even if it feels awkward at first).
And if you’re not sure what you want yet? Say that too. Curiosity and clarity are the drag duo you didn’t know your bedroom needed.
Because when you can say, “Yes, Queen!” and “No, not tonight,” with equal confidence? That’s when you really start serving.
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Drag reminds us that expression is both freedom and power—and the same goes for sex. Whether you’re adjusting your lashes, working through self-doubt, or learning to love your body one step at a time, your pleasure matters. Sex, at its best, is a form of creative expression—bold, vulnerable, playful, and deeply personal. So, show up curious. Show up generous. And show up like the brilliant, radiant creature you are.
Glitter is optional but always encouraged.