The hand job is so high school. You gave your first one fumbling in the front seat of his car, or in the back row of the movie theater, or on the couch in his rumpus room.
It went like this: You rubbed over his jeans for a while (ouch!), then put your hand inside. If you were brave, you opened it up for better access. And you jerked. Back and forth, back and forth. No lube, not even spit. And eventually, because he was a 16-year-old boy, he came.
You felt accomplished, he felt satisfied, and once you learned how to give a blowjob, you never jerked him off again.
But the hand job gets a bad rap. It's all grown-up and waiting in your sexual repertoire, all the hotter because it reminds him of those rumpus room days in high school and his first sexual experiences.
If you're going to go as easy as a hand job, find a bed. Alternately, you're doing this standing up as a quickie, maybe in the shower or an airport bathroom.
Either way, the hand job how-to is the same.
How to Touch a Penis to Make a Guy Orgasm
1. Start by making out while straddling him.
Use a lot of tongue, and figure out how he likes it: if you take the lead, or if he does. If you're in a bed, you should be straddling him.
Even if you're standing, you can still manage to rub against him. Make sure your breasts make contact.
Rub your girl parts against him, preferably against his penis (remember high school?). Grind against him.
All the while, you should be making out as sexily as you can: lick his lips; move away from his mouth and kiss his neck.
2. Rub your hands on other parts of his body.
Then get your hands into the mix. As you grind against him, start running your hands up and down his body. Go as far up as his pecs and as low down as his thighs; the outside of his thighs at first, but slowly, as you rub, go farther and farther towards the tops of his thighs, then the insides of them.
Your hands should get progressively closer to his penis, and then move between you and him to rub on it. (He'll be turned on because it's sort of like you're masturbating.)
Start to concentrate on it, rubbing up and down in a consistent motion and staying away from any zippers.
3. Pull out his penis and lubricate it.
Finally, take it out. And when you take it out, take the whole package out, penis and testicles both. Lube him up.
If you've had any forethought and you're not in an airplane bathroom, use something like KY or Astroglide. If you're going for the quickie method, use spit. You will need lots and lots and lots of spit.
4. Start giving him the hand job.
Take hold of his penis in your dominant hand and slide, don't jerk, from shaft to head and back again. Pause to play with his head, the most sensitive part; for most guys, that's the bottom where the head meets the shaft, or his circumcision scar.
Rub your thumb over it; stroke it. You'll soon figure out where that spot is.
Jerk his penis again, taking breaks to play with his sensitive spot. Make your hand as tight as possible and jerk slowly; spread your fingers wide and jerk fast.
As you feel him getting harder and harder, reach down with your other hand and cup his balls. Grab them lightly, and tug ever-so-gently downwards as you move your hand up-and-down, faster and faster.
5. Increase the intensity of his orgasm.
Just before he feels like he's about to come, reach behind his balls and press hard on the area between his balls and his ass: his perineum, taint, whatever.
There's a cluster of nerves there that will intensify his orgasm to the point of him curling over and begging you to stop.
When he comes, jerk him off through it, more gently, almost milking the semen out of him. He'll ask you to stop pressing and tugging his balls, because it gets to be too much, but he still might have a little bit of semen left in him.
Where does the semen end up? If you're somewhere quiet, get some toilet paper and wipe up like a civilized human.
The hand job used to be a high school staple. But you can use it as a grown-up to add some excitement to your sex life. It'll surprise him, and nothing's better for a quickie in a tight space.
Just use lube, give a slow build-up, and remember to play with his balls. That's what makes the rec room hand job different from the adult sexytime.
But this can't be accomplished sitting on the couch next to him. He deserves better than that.
Astroglide is available at Woolworths Supermarkets across Australia.
Astroglide is available at Coles Supermarkets across Australia.
Astroglide is available at Chemist Warehouse online