When it comes to sex, pleasure, and staying comfortable in your body, few things are more underrated than a good lubricant. But despite how widely lubes are used, they’re also wildly misunderstood. I see this all the time in my office—people who avoid lube because they “shouldn’t need it,” or who think all lubes do the exact same thing, or who tried a bad lube years ago and since then have sworn off the entire experience.
The truth is: the right lubricant can completely transform a sexual experience, reduce pain, enhance pleasure, and support long-term sexual wellness. But understanding which lube to choose—and clearing up the myths that keep people from using them—is just as important. Let’s walk through the most common misconceptions I encounter about lubricants, unpack what’s true, what’s not, and what you actually need to know to keep your body healthy and your sex life thriving.
Myth #1: “If you use lube, it means you’re not aroused enough.”
Fact: Lubrication does not equal arousal, and using lube is a sign of sexual intelligence—not inadequacy.
This is the myth I hear more than any other, and it’s also one of the most harmful. Many people—of all genders—internalise the idea that “needing” lube means something is wrong with their desire, their body, or their relationship. But this belief ignores how incredibly complex the body’s lubrication mechanisms actually are. Natural Lubrication Is Influenced by Far More Than Arousal. People assume that lubrication is a pure, linear reflection of how “turned on” someone is. But in reality, natural lubrication is impacted by a wide constellation of factors, including:
- Hormones (especially estrogen, which fluctuates monthly and declines with age)
- Hydration levels
- Medications (antidepressants, antihistamines, birth control, and many others)
- Stress and cortisol
- Sleep quality
- Emotional connection or relationship stress
- Alcohol or cannabis use
- Postpartum and breastfeeding hormones
- Menopause or perimenopause
- Chronic medical conditions
Someone can be incredibly aroused mentally and emotionally and still experience dryness because their body’s physiology isn’t lining up that day. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them—it just means they’re human. There’s also a well-documented phenomenon called arousal non-concordance, where genital arousal (like lubrication or erection) doesn’t always perfectly match subjective arousal (the felt sense of desire). This is completely normal. Your body isn’t a machine; it’s responsive to context, stress, hormones, and mood.
Here’s the irony: people often feel more aroused when they’re comfortable and relaxed, not struggling with friction or discomfort. When discomfort goes down, desire usually goes up. Lube can be incredibly helpful to:
- reduce anxiety about dryness
- decrease pain or burning
- enhance pleasurable sensations
- allow for smoother, more connected sexual activity
- reduce the need to “perform” arousal
Lube, in this context, isn’t just a product. It’s a way of removing unnecessary barriers that get in the way of pleasure.This myth doesn’t only affect the person experiencing dryness—it affects couples. Some partners interpret lube use as a sign of disinterest or inadequacy, which isn’t true at all. In reality, using lube can:
- increase comfort for both partners
- reduce risk of micro-tears and irritation
- increase condom effectiveness by preventing breakage
- prolong sexual activity
- support more pleasurable intercourse at any age
Moreover, a partner who’s enthusiastic about using lube is a partner who understands anatomy and prioritises pleasure and safety. For all these reasons, we need to shift the cultural mindset around lubrication. Lube isn’t something you use when something is “wrong.” It’s something you use when you want to enhance the sexual experience and create intimacy with your partner. If we treated lube the way athletes treat hydration or the way dermatologists treat moisturiser, the shame around it would disappear overnight.
Myth #2: “All lubricants are the same.”
Fact: Lubricants differ dramatically in texture, ingredients, durability, safety, and what they’re designed to do.
One of the biggest misconceptions I see—both in my practice and in the real world—is the belief that lubricants are interchangeable. People assume that if they’ve tried one lube, they’ve tried them all. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Lube is more like skincare than most people realise: formulas vary widely, different bodies respond differently, and what works brilliantly for one person may be totally wrong for someone else. When you understand the distinctions, it becomes much easier to find a product that enhances pleasure instead of distracting from it. Most lubricants fall into three major categories, each with its own strengths, limitations, and ideal uses.
1. Water-Based Lubricants
These are the most versatile and most commonly used formulas because they’re:
- compatible with all condoms
- safe for sex toys
- easy to wash off
- available in a wide variety of textures (from very thin to gel-thick)
- designed to mimic natural vaginal moisture
Water-based lubricants can be formulated with ingredients that enhance hydration (like glycerin or hyaluronic acid), or they can be tailored for sensitive users with minimal additives. However, lubes can require reapplication over time—especially during longer sessions or anal play. That isn’t a flaw; it’s just the nature of how the body interacts with water.
2. Silicone-Based Lubricants
Silicone-based lubes offer an entirely different experience. They are longer lasting, waterproof (which makes them great for shower-time sex), provide and smoother glide, and may be better suited for anal sex and/or for people experiencing significant vaginal dryness. These lubes don’t evaporate the way water-based formulas do, which means they often stay slippery for much longer. The main caveat: they are not compatible with most silicone toys, since they can break down the material. But silicone lube is perfectly safe, for skin-to-skin use and is condom compatible.
3. Oil-Based Lubricants
Oil-based lubes include both traditional formulas and natural oils like coconut, jojoba, or almond oil. They are long-lasting and provide a luxurious texture. They can also be used for external massage. But they also carry some disadvantages including they are harder to wash off, may clog pores, and can disrupt vaginal flora in some users. They are also not compatible with latex condoms (oil breaks down latex). Oil-based lubes can be enjoyable for certain types of play but should be used with caution—and with full knowledge of their limitations.
Even within categories, no two lubes are identical. Differences in ingredients can dramatically change glide, longevity, and comfort. Some lubes are thin and lightweight, thick and cushiony, gel-like for maximum control, silky and fluid, and/or even warming or cooling. Choosing the right texture depends on your anatomy, your activity, and personal preference. That brings us to the next major difference to consider when choosing the right lube for you: ingredient choices matter. Some people prefer botanical or natural additions; others need hypoallergenic, fragrance-free, or glycerin-free formulas. Sensitive users often fare best with minimal-ingredient products, pH-balanced water-based lubes, and no fragrances or warming agents.
Many modern lubricants are designed with specific uses in mind:
- Anal lubes: thicker, longer-lasting, often silicone or gel water-based
- Hybrid lubes: combine water and silicone for balanced glide
- Toy-specific lubes: formulated for material compatibility
- pH-balanced vaginal lubes: ideal for those prone to irritation
- Warming/cooling lubes: create sensory enhancement
- Flavored lubes: meant for oral sex
When people say, “all lubes are the same,” they’re overlooking this entire ecosystem of specialized products.
The difference between the wrong lube and the right one can’t be stressed enough. It can be make or break. Choosing the wrong type of lube can result in burning or irritation, worsening dryness during sex, condom breakage, discomfort with toys, feelings of “stickiness” or “gumming up”, and disruption of vaginal pH. The right lube, on the other hand, enhances sensation, reduces friction, increases comfort and confidence, protects delicate tissue, prevents micro-tears, and makes sex better for both partners.
Myth #3: “Lube causes dehydration or makes you drier.”
Fact: Lubricant doesn’t dehydrate you or “dry you out”—but certain formulas may feel like they’re drying quickly, and that’s where the confusion starts.
This myth is especially common with water-based lubricants, which are the most widely used. People often notice that water-based lube seems to “disappear” over time and assume it pulled moisture from their body. What’s actually happening is something much simpler—and totally normal.
Water Evaporates. That’s It. Water-based lubricants are made primarily with… water. And water evaporates when exposed to friction, body heat, and air. As that water evaporates, the lube may feel like it’s “drying out” or becoming tacky—not because it dehydrated you, but because the water in the formula dispersed. This is a feature, not a flaw. It’s why you can easily “reactivate” water-based lubes with a tiny splash of water or saliva, instantly bringing back that smooth glide. Some people mistakenly think lube works like certain skincare ingredients (like hyaluronic acid) that draw moisture toward them. Sexual lubricants aren’t formulated that way. They sit on the surface of the skin, reducing friction, not interacting with the body’s moisture levels.
There’s no scientific evidence that using lube can dehydrate vaginal tissue, penile skin, or mucous membranes. If you’re feeling dry during sex, the most likely reasons are:
- Natural arousal levels fluctuating
- Hormonal changes (like menopause, postpartum, or certain medications)
- Not using enough lube
- Using a formula that isn’t the right match for your body or activity
- Friction from prolonged sex
- Lube actually prevents dehydration-related irritation by reducing that friction.
While lube doesn’t dehydrate tissue, some formulas can feel less hydrating or more drying than others due to their ingredients. Glycerin-heavy lubes may feel sticky quickly. Very thin water-based lubes may evaporate faster, making people think “it dried me out,” when it really just wore off. High-friction sex (e.g., longer sessions or anal play) may require a thicker or longer-lasting formula. A great workaround is choosing a hybrid (water + silicone) or pure silicone lube, which stays slick longer and doesn’t evaporate.
If dryness is a recurring issue, it’s often a sign that your body needs additional support—not that lube is working against you. This can happen for lots of different reasons.
Conclusion: Let Lube Work For You, Not Against You
The myths surrounding personal lubricants have been around for decades, and unfortunately, they’ve kept far too many people from enjoying the comfort, confidence, and pleasure that good lubrication can bring. Whether it’s the idea that lube signals inadequate arousal, the misconception that only certain couples “need” it, or the belief that it disrupts the body’s natural moisture or pH, these misunderstandings can create unnecessary shame and limit sexual wellbeing.
The truth is simple: lube is a sexual wellness tool—not a diagnosis or marker of inadequacy. Bodies change, desires fluctuate, hormones shift, and friction happens. Lube helps bridge those gaps. It enhances intimacy, reduces discomfort, supports vaginal and pelvic health, and helps people of all ages, genders, orientations, and experience levels have more fulfilling sexual experiences.
As a sexual health physician, I’ve seen firsthand how transformative the right lubricant can be. When people finally give themselves permission to use it—without judgment—they often discover new comfort, new pleasure, and even new confidence in their bodies.
So, if you’ve been unsure about lube or hesitant because of the myths you’ve heard, consider this your sign to explore, experiment, and find what works best for you. Your body deserves pleasure without pain, intimacy without friction, and sex that feels as good as it should. And with the right lubricant, that becomes not just possible—but easy.
