Giving can be just as good as receiving.
Ever heard that saying that giving itself is a gift? Well, what is oral sex if not that? There's nothing hotter than watching your partner orgasm during sex and knowing you did that.
Cunnilingus and fellatio in can be just as fun for the giver as they are for the receiver, especially if you experiment with brand-new moves that both of you will love. So here are some techniques and oral sex positions that’ll take the experience up a notch for your partner and make it more exciting for you as well.
Play with the backdoor
Oral sex tips aren't all about the genitals. The area around the anus is filled with plenty of tiny nerve endings that feel wonderful when stimulated with the hands or tongue, says Laura Berman, Ph.D., sex and relationship therapist. Just make sure you discuss this with your partner first so there are no surprises. Showering together as foreplay might help you both feel clean and comfortable.
Make some noise
Making noise during oral sex isn’t just about the sound effect—noises like humming, moans, and groans “create a stimulating vibration,” says Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and relationship expert. They also convey enthusiasm, which will make the experience more fun for both of you.
Tease them with kisses
To build anticipation, plant little kisses on your partner’s inner thighs and pubic mound, suggests Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “Simply hover over them and allow gentle kisses to emanate from your lips as you awaken their nerve endings and draw awareness and circulation to the area,” she says. “You can also use breath kisses over the entire body to build arousal and encourage full body orgasms.”
Get handsy
Your hands and mouth combined will provide even more pleasure than your mouth alone. If your partner has a vulva, O’Reilly recommends sliding your hands over the clitoris or inner lips. “Run your tongue up and down in the middle (between the inner lips) in the opposite direction,” she says. “Pay extra attention to the fourchette (the notch at the bottom where the lips meet) and the clitoral head with the tip of your tongue.” If your partner has a penis, use your hands to grip the base of the shaft while teasing the tip with your tongue.
Have your partner touch you
Oral sex shouldn’t be all about your partner. Sex writer Emily Morse suggests encouraging your partner to touch your breasts, nipples, and clitoris while you’re pleasuring them. Turning you on will turn them on, too. Convinced? Try one of these clit vibrators. You—and your partner—won't be disappointed.
Massage the prostate
For male partners, the prostate—located just in front of the rectum, it’s a gland about the size and shape of a walnut—is often an under-explored source of pleasure. "Discover and stimulate his prostate, a highly orgasmic area, while you lick, kiss, and tease the shaft," suggests Berman. "Once you find it, massage it gently, then gradually up the intensity of your strokes and pressure," she says.
Get nosey
Many people like the feeling of grinding against something, and your nose can come in handy for that, says O’Reilly. “Press it in and out, side to side, up and down, and all around,” she suggests. “The tips of your nose has a cool texture (feel it now!), so take advantage of its angles and contours as your partner rides your face.”
Use your entire body
Even your hair will feel good against your partner’s belly or pubic bone, says Alpert. Try massaging their thighs with your hands and rubbing your body on them. You can even run your fingernails down their back. You don’t have to emulate the “fast, furious, and hard” technique you’ve seen in porn, Alpert adds. Go slow and tease your partner before getting your mouth involved.
Ask for feedback
Everyone's different, so the easiest way to find out what gets your partner going is to ask them. "It can be really hot to say, 'Do you like that?' as you're giving them pleasure," says Ashera DeRosa, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy. "This gives them the opportunity to say 'more of this' or 'less of that.' If your partner isn't loving a technique, be open to that feedback. It doesn't mean you're 'bad' at oral sex, but is instead an opportunity to try something different."
Express your enjoyment
Oral sex is better for everyone when both people make it clear how much they're enjoying themselves. "Love what you are doing, and it will be good for your partner," says Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach. You can express yourself through moans and groans, like we suggested earlier, or do so verbally by letting them know "I love going down on you" or "You taste so good."
Slow down
Showing your excitement also means slowing down and taking your time. "Don’t be in a rush to move on to something else," says Bisbey. Instead, make it clear to your partner that you'll stay down there for as long as they need. You could even tell them, "I could do this all day."
Plan ahead
To create the best possible experience for both of you, it helps to discuss in advance what each of you would like, says David Helfand, a licensed psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. "Paint a picture together," he suggests. "Imagine you are co-writing a steamy summer beach read. What do you want them to do to you? What did you really like the last time you had sex? You can discuss right after or anytime in between." You might also try watching porn together for inspiration or discussing which sex toys or flavoured lube you'd like to play with.
Touch yourself
Even if your focus is on pleasing your partner, they may get even more turned on by watching you pleasure yourself. "Think of your own pleasure first while you’re going down on your lover," says O'Reilly. "Touch yourself, rub on their body, wear a vibrating toy, fantasize, or play a role that excites you. Just because you’re the one performing oral doesn’t mean you can’t get your own pleasure at the same time."