It’s a new year and on top of that it’s a new decade! For many, it’s a time of looking at the year ahead, setting goals, intentions and for some even evaluating their current situations, whether that’s at work, in a relationship or with friends. So we’ve compiled a few sex and relationship questions and answers to help you tap into your internal sex god or goddess and truly embrace your sexuality in 2020!
Why is Self-Love Important?
According to ASTROGLIDE resident sexologist, Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D.,the way you feel about yourself affects every area of your life including your mental health, physical health, relationships, work, energy levels, stress levels, focus, cognitive function, diet, sleep and exercise. Self-love — however you define it — is one way to augment your self-esteem to make all areas of your life more meaningful and fulfilling. Masturbation may or may not be a part of your self-love process. Self-pleasure can help you to better understand your body and its unique responses to stimulation. As you learn to touch yourself to produce excitement and pleasure, you’ll likely learn to better communicate your needs to a partner (now or in the future).
And don’t forget that using a water based personal lubricant or silicone based personal lubricant can absolutely make the feeling and resulting pleasure from masturbation different. If you’ve never tried lube at all before and aren’t sure how you’ll like it with a partner consider using it during your next self-love session. That’s a great place to start and understand what types you like or don’t like. Check out our Lube 101 post which gives a run down of all the varieties.
How Do I Initiate Phone Sex?
Dr. Jess shares that you should start by asking questions to gauge what whomever you’re looking to phone sex with is into. These can be as simple as “Would you like it if I…? What have you been thinking about? What’s on your mind? Did you dream about me last night?” Then from there, share compliments to boost their mood and stroke their ego, such as “You’re too good; I can’t stop thinking about you; I love your ________; I crave it.” Let them know what you want to do to them, like “I’ve been thinking about you and I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be wearing that _______ you love.” Also try experimenting with different speeds and volumes to entice your lover’s interest and increase your comfort with a greater range of content. S-l-o-w down into a drawl so that they’re hanging off of your every word.
What Is a Masturbation Sleeve?
According to Cosmopolitan.com, a masturbation sleeve fits around the penis and is often used for self-service, but can also really enhance hand jobs and blow jobs too. Not only can they feel more new and different to the recipient, but they also kinda take the “job” part out of these sex acts by making them a lil easier. Writer Jill Hamilton of Cosmo goes on to say “for an unforgettable BJ, lube up the inside of a stroker and rub it up and waaay down the shaft while sucking and licking the head of your partner’s penis. It feels like the deepest deep throating to the receiver, without the gagging bit for the giver.”
How Do I Use a Fleshlight?
The Fleshlight is a brand of artificial vagina or artificial anal opening sex toy. It is a masturbatory aid, which is used by inserting the penis into its opening that’s been around since 1998. AskMen.com shares the newest toy on the market, the Fleshlight Launch combines a stroking-pleasure knowhow with Bluetooth technology to sync up to the porn you’re watching — meaning, sensation-wise, you can more or less experience what the actor in the scene is experiencing. Rather than needing to push buttons, this toy features an adjustment system that’s comprised of making gestures rather than pushing buttons.
How Do I Use a Sex Bench?
“Using furniture to support your bodies multiplies the positions with which you can experiment — for all types of sex from playful teasing to oral to anal and everything in between. Anyone and everyone can use a sex bench,” says Dr. Jess. Some people use a bench for bondage and spankings and others use it to change the angles and depth of penetration. If you want to purchase sex furniture for the first time, you can try a simple bench with no moving parts. You have many options ranging from stools to benches to contoured chaise lounges. (Even furniture shops like Wayfair now sell sex benches!) Sex benches and furniture come in a range of models, shapes and sizes. Some include adjustable rests for your feet, head, hands and more and others include restraints. You can buy a one-piece sex bench with various curves or a modular unit with several moving parts. You might use sex benches to restrain your partner or simply to try new positions with additional physical support.
How Does Nipple Play Help Me Orgasm?
Nipples… we all have them, so why aren’t we using them more for our own sexual wellness? Recent research shows that stimulating multiple body areas at once, like your clitoris, cervix, and yes, nipples (this one’s for the ladies) helps to start the area of the brain that heightens all of the individual sensations you feel resulting in a stronger, more colorful orgasm. According to Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist in a recent Women’s Health article, “If you’re dealing with a painful condition (such as endometriosis), heaps of stress, or trauma, showing love to your nipples—a major erogenous zone covered in super-sensitive nerve endings—can be a preferred way to get off. You can also nix the performance pressure that often comes with fixating on what’s between your legs.” Think the reach around nipple play while in doggy style, reaching down and stimulating your own nipples during a side position or try attaching tape to your nipples and peeling it off as your arousal starts to surge as you’re in cowgirl position.
What is Impact Play?
Impact play means spanking, flogging, paddling, and other forms of consensual striking. It can range from a light slap on the butt to a crack of the whip. An Allure.com article shares that you should remember, as with any kink or fetish, it’s important to negotiate boundaries beforehand like discussing the level of intensity you enjoy (or your partner enjoys), choosing a safe word to make things stop if need be, and learning what parts of the body are safe to impact.
What About Vaginal Massages?
Dr. Jess shares that vaginal massage can be relaxing, sensual, therapeutic and/or erotic. There is no specific outcome that validates an experience, so simply enjoy the process without pressure to respond in a specific way. Vulval massage refers to caressing the external areas (e,g, lips, pubic mound, clitoral hood and head) and vaginal massage refers to massaging the internal area. Plus, there are multiple benefits to vaginal massage, including stress reduction and relaxation, pleasure, arousal and orgasm, and improved sexual function.
What is a“Munch?”
Dr. Laura Deitsch, resident sexologist at Vibrant, Planned Parenthood’s sex toy e-tailer shared on HelloGiggles that if you’re curious about BDSM then consider attending a “munch.” “People gather clothed to just hang out and connect [usually at a restaurant],” she says. “It’s a great way to learn about some kinky activities you might be unfamiliar with in a safe setting.”
What is Edging?
According to Vice.com, edging is a technique for bringing yourself (or others, or all of you together!) to the brink of orgasm—the edge, if you will—then backing off. Do this enough times and your body will become a giant, pulsating nerve of sensation; and your orgasm, if and when you are brought over that edge, will be that much more intense and powerful. And, for those with penises, the appeal of edging is often that sexual encounters last longer.
As you’ve just read, there are so many things and ways to explore to bring your sexual wellness to its peak in 2020. No matter your preference, experience level, or interests there are plenty of options for everyone. So step out of your ordinary, transport yourself and start experiencing some out of this world pleasure!