When you think back to the sex ed that you received (if you were lucky enough to even get any), what comes to mind? For many people, the answer is likely going to include things such diagrams of the reproductive system, a lot of discussion about puberty, information on STIs, and a big emphasis on the importance of abstinence. All too often, sex ed focuses only on anatomy, the risks of sex, reasons to avoid it, and (sometimes) how to make it safer. Rarely, if ever, does it teach us how to have pleasurable sex. And that’s a problem, because sexual health is about so much more than protecting yourself from STIs and unintended pregnancies. Those things are no doubt important, but we also need to recognise that pleasure is fundamental to sexual well-being. Since I’m writing this in the midst of Sexual Health Awareness Month, it’s the perfect time to remind ourselves that pleasure is a core part of our sexual health. In this post, we’re going to talk about the importance of pleasure, and one of the simplest and most underrated tools for bringing more pleasure into the bedroom: lube.
Why Pleasure is an Essential Part of Sexual Health
The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” By this definition, pleasure isn’t optional. It’s essential. In order for us to have a healthy relationship with sex, we need to be having pleasurable sex. Pleasurable sex is good for our psychological well-being. Among other things, it provides a boost in mood and can be a potent form of stress relief. Pleasurable sex is also good for our physical health. Research has documented numerous health benefits linked to orgasm, from helping us to get better quality sleep to supporting cardiovascular function. In addition, pleasurable sex is good for our relationships. It can deepen intimacy and help us feel more connected to our partners. For all of these reasons, it really is baffling that pleasure tends to be an afterthought in sex ed. So how can we make sex more pleasurable? That’s where lube comes in.
How Lube Makes Sex Better
In a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers at Indiana University asked more than 2,000 women to report on their sexual activities over a five-week period. What they found was that, compared to sexual encounters that didn’t involve lube, those that did were rated as being more pleasurable, satisfying, and comfortable. But lube doesn’t just make sex good for women—it makes it better for men, too. In a separate study published in the same journal that inquired about men’s previous use of lubricants during sex, the most common reasons that men reported for using lube included “to make sex more comfortable” and “for fun.” How, specifically, does lube help? For one thing, it reduces friction. Friction is not our friend when it comes to good sex. Too much friction can lead to pain and discomfort, it can increase our risk of contracting STIs by creating microtears in the genital tissue, and it can increase the risk of condoms breaking. Using lube, then, simultaneously makes sex feel better, while also making it safer. By making sex feel more comfortable, lube supports pleasure in other ways. When sex feels good, we’re able to relax and be more present, which can help us to enjoy the experience more fully, maintain arousal, and connect deeply with our partners.
Common Myths About Lube
Despite the many benefits of using lube, a lot of people are reluctant to reach for it due to some common myths and misconceptions. Let’s bust a few of those:
- “You only need lube when there’s a problem.” False! While some people may think that needing lube indicates an issue with low arousal or a problem with the body’s natural lubrication, this isn’t true. While lube is commonly recommended for helping with sexual problems, it also makes sex better even when no such problems exist.
- “Lube is only for older people.” False again. While using lube does become even more important with age (especially as women approach the menopause transition), lube can enhance pleasure and comfort regardless of age.
- “Lube is only for vaginal intercourse.” Nope! Lube can make all kinds of sex better. Lube is key for ensuring comfort and pleasure during anal sex because anuses aren’t self-lubricating. It can make mutual masturbation more fun. And it can enhance oral sex, too. For instance, using a flavored lube can add new dimensions to oral activities, while also providing more glide and comfort.
How To Use Lube Like a Pro
If you’re new to using lube, here’s a practical guide to getting you started on a journey toward more pleasure. First, choose the right type of lube for you. There are a ton of different lubes on the market, so it can feel a little overwhelming making a decision, but a water-based lube is usually a good all-around choice because it’s condom compatible, easy to clean up, and can be used with most sex toys. However, if your planned activities include things like anal sex or shower sex, then you might opt for a silicone lube, which is designed for longer-lasting fun. For more on different types of lube, check out our guide to the best lube for every occasion. Once you’ve picked your lube, start with a small amount and add more as needed. For some people, a few drops can go a long way. There’s no “rule” about how much lube to use, and it will depend on how you’re using it and the specific type of lube you’ve selected. But as a general rule of thumb, you’ll typically need more for anal sex than other activities. When it comes to applying lube, feel free to make it fun and playful. Application of lube can be a sensual form of foreplay as you apply it to a partner’s body. You can also warm the lube up in your hands first to make it feel even better when it hits your partner’s skin. However, if you’re having penetrative sex, make sure you’re not just applying lube externally—you’ll need some inside the body, too.
Takeaways
Sexual Health Awareness Month is the perfect time to broaden our conversations about sexual health to encompass all aspects of sexual well-being, including pleasure. Although rarely discussed in sex ed, pleasure is central to our sexual health. And one of the easiest ways to enhance pleasure for everyone is to bring some lube into the bedroom. It’s a simple and highly accessible pleasure tool. You don’t need a prescription or special training. You just need to make pleasure a priority. So grab yourself a bottle of lube, because you deserve pleasure.
References
Kashdan, T. B., Goodman, F. R., Stiksma, M., Milius, C. R., & McKnight, P. E. (2018). Sexuality leads to boosts in mood and meaning in life with no evidence for the reverse direction: A daily diary investigation. Emotion, 18(4), 563. Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2012). Sexual healing: Daily diary evidence that sex relieves stress for men and women in satisfying relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(1), 126-139. Lastella, M., O'Mullan, C., Paterson, J. L., & Reynolds, A. C. (2019). Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population. Frontiers in public health, 7, 442331. Hall, S. A., Shackelton, R., Rosen, R. C., & Araujo, A. B. (2010). Sexual activity, erectile dysfunction, and incident cardiovascular events. The American journal of cardiology, 105(2), 192-197. Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2007). The “Good-Enough Sex” model for couple sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22(3), 351-362. Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Hensel, D., Sanders, S., Jozkowski, K., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2011). Association of lubricant use with women’s sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: a prospective daily diary study. The journal of sexual medicine, 8(1), 202-212. Reece, M., Herbenick, D., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., & Dennis Fortenberry, J. (2014). Men's use and perceptions of commercial lubricants: prevalence and characteristics in a nationally representative sample of American adults. The journal of sexual medicine, 11(5), 1125-1135.