OK having an orgasm need not be the only goal of sex, but if you’re looking to experiment for the sake of pleasure, consider these approaches to intensify your experience:
1. Explore blended orgasms
Oftentimes we get hung up on one approach to pleasure and orgasm because we know it’s a sure thing. Perhaps you stroke with lube at a medium pace or buzz with your favorite toy on full blast as a matter of expediency — it gets the job done. And while there is nothing wrong with your tried-and-true approaches, if you’d like to explore the possibility of intensifying your body’s response, consider stimulating multiple areas simultaneously.
Many folks report that orgasms involving the stimulation of multiple body parts are more intense and overwhelming. The theory is that if you stimulate multiple regions, you create more intense sensations and multiple nerves communicate the sensation of pleasure at the same time. For example, the pelvic nerve transmits sensations from the vagina, cervix, rectum, and bladder; the vagus nerve is believed to communicate signals from the cervix, uterus, and vagina by passing the spinal cord; the pudendal nerve carries information from the clitoris, penis, and scrotum; the hypogastric nerve transmits data from the uterus, cervix, and prostate.
For example, you might vibe against your clitoris while also pulsing against the G-Spot. Or you might add external rubbing while engaging in penetrative sex (of any kind).
Or you might play with the prostate (with a toy or finger) while also stroking the penis.
Or you might add nipple play, neck kisses, butt play, or kissing into the mix. Rather than simply focusing on one area of your genitals, explore other areas of the body to activate multiple nerve endings and pleasure points simultaneously.
2. Build anticipation
You are not a light switch. You likely can’t transition from talking about your kids and your taxes to indulging in sexual pleasure and orgasm.
Take time to indulge in all things pleasurable throughout the day to cultivate more presence in your body and remind yourself that pleasure is your birthright!
Eat mindfully, enthusiastically, and without shame.
Enjoy movement in whatever way works for you — stretching, yoga, working out or curling up against the sheets.
Relish in physical affection knowing that it need not be sexual to reap the relational and health benefits.
Build erotic anticipation by experimenting with verbal, emotional, and/or physical foreplay at breakfast. The brush of a thigh, a drawn-out kiss, playful glances, and flirtatious interactions all set the scene for more powerful pleasure (and orgasms) later on.
3. Get creative with toys and lube
We know that sex toys and lube are associated with heightened pleasure and orgasmic response and you can play with them in creative ways beyond the more obvious uses.
Rather than using a bullet vibe against the head of your clit, roll it over your lips like a rolling pin or pulse it against your pucker (your butthole) externally.
If you’re using a pleasure-air toy, explore the sensations along your nipples, labia, and perineum — not just around the head of your clitoris.
Some adjustable vibrators are designed to be bent, so play with different angles and use them around the base of the penis or across the body.
Use a vibrator against your throat during oral or play with a bullet vibe against the perineum during oral or intercourse.
Use an oil-based lube like Astroglide O Oil Liquid & Massage Lotion to explore the entire body with your palms, fingertips, and breath. Which brings us to our next suggestion…
4. Explore full-body play
Your body is a wonderland and orgasmic sensations can spread across its entire surface if you take the time to awaken nerve endings, draw attention and heighten circulation from head to toe.
Set aside some time to explore every square inch of your body (or your partner’s) using your lips, tongue, breath, fingers, and more!
Start at their head and work your way s-l-o-w-l-y down their neck, around their ears, over their shoulders, across their chest, down their abdomen, around their hips, between their thighs, along their calves, atop their ankles, and all the way down to their toes.
Go more slowly than ever before to ensure that every area receives attention — gentle kisses, warm breaths, the twirl of a tongue, smooth caresses and more! Ignore the genitals for the first 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes.
If you take the time to stimulate their entire body, when orgasm finally arrives, the sensations are more likely to spread across their skin from their cheeks to their scalp to their fingertips and beyond.
Fantasy is an (easy) orgasm-enhancer, as your brain is your most powerful sex organ. As you allow your mind to wander freely, without shame or inhibition, you can transport your body to far off lands and scenarios.
Some people fantasise in great detail and others find their fantasies are more general or fleeting. However you fantasize, give yourself permission to explore uncharted territory and let your mind wander far from reality.
Check out literotica.net for inspiration!
Communication is lubrication and essential to sexual pleasure. Talking about sex leads to better sex and ongoing conversations (including the awkward ones) are more likely to lead to more fruitful outcomes than one-offs, as our desires and boundaries are constantly evolving.
Consider these prompts to get you started.
- What do you love about sex?
- What do you find challenging about sex?
- How do you define sex?
- Describe sexual pleasure.
- What does an orgasm feel like in your body?
- What makes an orgasm more intense or pleasurable?
- What factors make orgasms flow with ease?
- What factors detract from orgasmic experiences?
- How do you indulge in orgasms on your own?
- How do you like to explore orgasms with me/a partner?
- What thoughts or fantasies often lead to orgasm?
- What thoughts or scenarios hinder orgasm?
7. Practice mindfulness
Mindful practices can help to ease anxiety, which can increase desire, pleasure and orgasmic response. Recent research analyzed 12 studies and concluded that even short-term mindfulness programs (4 or 8 sessions) can significantly boost sexual satisfaction and functioning including arousal, lubrication, orgasm and desire.
Rather than focusing on the outcome of an orgasm, consider tuning into pleasure instead – embracing any and all outcomes without judgment.
Touch yourself for pleasure for 20-30 minutes without trying to reach orgasm. Explore your entire body with your hands, lube, massage oil, toys and/or objects of various textures. As you get in touch with your body’s unique responses and breathing patterns, you may find that your ability to stay present during sex increases; while focusing on orgasmic intensity is goal-oriented, mindful touch can reduce the pressure to reach a specific goal while also producing pleasure in the process.