Porn is often scapegoated as the culprit for sex and relationship issues ranging from loss of desire to hypersexuality, but the reality is that porn can enhance relationships – if used in constructive ways.
Before we dive into the ways in which porn can help your relationship, it’s important to differentiate between ethical porn and much of the content you’ll find on free tube sites.
Ethical porn refers to sexually explicit content that is created with respect and reverence for the entire team involved in its creation. Standard practices include fair pairs, safe working conditions, performer-driven scenes, and an emphasis on pleasure. Often times, ethical porn is created and distributed by performers, so while exploring the benefits of porn, we hope you’ll consider subscribing to ethical porn sites like Royal Fetish Films, Make Love Not Porn, and afterglow.
Now, back to ways porn can support relationships – with yourself and your partners.
Porn can help to put you in the mood and activate responsive desire.
After a long day of work, co-parenting, socialising and more, sexual desire may not arise spontaneously. You may need to engage with stimuli to get aroused so that responsive desire follows. This is where all types of porn – audial, literary, visual – can come in handy.
If you’re more of an audial learner (and lover), consider apps like Dipsea, Femtasy, and Emjoy. They all offer erotic audio recordings with a range of themes that can help to spark desire even when sex is the furthest thing from your mind.
If you’re more of a verbal learner (and lover), you may want to indulge in literary porn and allow the words to set the scene and the tone. Literotica offers free erotic fiction and fantasy with both print and audio options, so you can read full stories or highlight the sections you might enjoy sharing with a partner.
If you’re more of a visual learner (and lover) and are turned on by visual depictions, signing onto your preferred paid-porn site may be all it takes to drown out distractions and put you in the mood for pleasure.
Even if you’re feeling connected and attracted to a partner, it’s not uncommon for life’s daily weight to hinder spontaneous desire, so porn may be just what the doctor ordered to put you in the mood.
This may be part of the reason why a recent study found that couples who watch porn together are happier in their relationships — in and out of the bedroom.
Porn can inspire meaningful conversations and facilitate improved communication.
Watching porn with a partner can be both awkward and exciting, but it’s the balance of these conflicting emotions that can inspire the most fruitful conversations.
If you feel awkward, it’s an opportunity to explore and communicate your fears, concerns, and boundaries.
If you find yourself aroused or excited, you can share the details of what turns you on. Get specific about what appeals to you – the music, lighting, setting, seduction, positions, sounds, characters, and/or sex acts. Oftentimes, it’s easier to talk about your sexual likes and dislikes in the context of what you see on screen versus sharing your fantasies from scratch.
And if you disagree with your partner about porn use, it’s also an opportunity to engage in conversations that can lead to deeper understanding and intimacy. Discussing your feelings toward porn can help you to explore your sexual values and you can start with some simple prompts:
- How do you feel about porn?
- What attracts you to porn? Conversely, what do you dislike about porn?
What messages have you received about porn? How do you feel about the sources of those messages? - What concerns do you have about watching porn with a partner?
- What appeals to you about watching porn with a partner?
These prompts represent the start of the conversation, and they’ll likely lead to more questions and a richer, hopefully, ongoing discussion.
Porn has the potential to inspire the exploration of fantasies.
Thanks to the rise in amateur porn and highly interactive webcam rooms, there now exists porn for every possible genre, taste, and fantasy imaginable. From Dominance and submission to sploshing and orgies, if you can imagine it, the porn is out there.
You don’t have to be into everything, but you might find yourself inspired by scenes, scenarios, characters, interactions, and themes that surprise you.
As you watch, either alone or with a partner, pay attention to what excites you, but also take note of what makes you nervous or uncomfortable, as much of the magic happens outside of your comfort zone.
Allowing yourself to respond without judgment may help you to uncover a new side of your sexual self – and your partner’s.
Porn offers a sense of escape from the everyday and mundane.
As you let your mind wander, you’ll likely stumble into another potential benefit, which is that porn can act as an escape from your everyday.
The reality is that life can get monotonous and even in the most fulfilling relationships, sex can often fall by the wayside. Good porn can help to rekindle the flame by whisking you away to new locations and allowing you to insert yourself into erotic scenarios – if only in your mind.
Some people find that the reminder to fantasise is not only exciting as a means of escape but also empowering because it’s all about you – not anyone else. Escaping into fantasy can be for you and you only or with a partner if you decide to take the journey together.
If you do enjoy watching porn together, it can also help you to break away from the monotony of monogamy and explore monogamish territory (in fantasy alone). With the help of porn, you can embrace and talk about different roles, partners, and interactions, without leaving the comfort of your bedroom. While engaging with porn, you can explore the possibility of playing with others through talk and roleplay.
***
Porn is often framed as a source of conflict in relationships, but it can also serve as a means of connection. So, whether you like your porn on paper, on the screen, or not at all, start a conversation today to cultivate deeper understanding, intimacy, and pleasure.