Shower sex is kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Sometimes it gets a little too hot (passion + soap and water can slip up even the best of us). Sometimes it’s just a little too cold (like literally, you have to share one stream of water). And sometimes, it’s exactly the type of steamy adventure you’re hoping for.
Whether you consider yourself a shower sex newbie or a seasoned pro, there’s always room for improvement! With these expert shower sex tips, you’ll be rub-a-dub-dubbing to your heart’s content.
“Shower sex usually gets a bad rep, but it’s not all bad,” shares Isharna Walsh, Founder and CEO of Coral. “According to this study, 66% of women and 64% of men who were satisfied in their relationship had taken a shower or bath together. With the right preparation, positions, and mindset, you can definitely make it work. Also, if you expand your definition of sex beyond penetration, it can be the source of a lot of pleasure,” states Walsh.
Shower Sex Do’s
Walsh goes on to share:
- DO embrace the novelty. Let’s be real: shower sex can get a little finicky. Especially if it’s your first time, it can take a little time to find the positions and water temperature that works for you.
Amy Baldwin, Sex Educator, Sex and Relationship Coach and Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast, echoes this sentiment and recommends you take the time to relax, let go, and maybe even be louder than usual.
“Shower sex is great for privacy! Maybe you have housemates, maybe you have children… No matter what, others in a shared living space understand that the shower is a private area. You won’t have to worry about any intrusions. The shower also keeps things discreet— whether it’s for solo play or sex with your partner, the sound of running water can perfectly muffle the sound of your pleasure. Don’t be afraid to relax and immerse yourself in this private space.”
- DO try it when you’re looking for a change. “Shower sex can be amazing because it provides a feeling of newness and exploration. There are a lot of steamy shower scenes in mainstream media, and for good reason! The setting of your shower allows you to get away from your usual bedroom routine. It can be hard to explore other spaces outside of the bedroom, and the shower makes for an easily accessible location change. Give it a try when you’re looking for that new spark. The simple change of scenery and aesthetics can spice up your sexual play more than you think!”
Dainis Graveris, Certified Sex Educator and Relationship Expert at SexualAlpha, advises:
- DO set the mood. Not a lot of people are comfortable with the idea of showering with their partners. There’s a lot of vulnerability in shower sex. You can make your partner more comfortable by turning on some music, dimming the lights, or lighting some candles.
- DO enjoy a steamy make-out session. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to feel each other’s slippery, soaped-up bodies because you’re too focused on penetration. It’s a sensation that isn’t easily replicable outside the shower, and it’s a great way to start foreplay.
Deon Black, Sex Coach at Let’s Talk Sex, agrees that the shower is a perfect setting for foreplay. “Use a scrub or sponge to massage your partner’s back and slowly get intimate. The water and pleasant smell will make it all the more magical.”
In order to keep things going smoothly, Graveris adds “Keep the shower head on your legs or torso region. Instead of hitting your heads or faces with water, angle it on your partner’s backs, chests, and legs. Avoid hitting your genitals with water too as it can cause more friction, making sex uncomfortable.”
Walsh echoes this thinking and suggests you angle the showerhead towards the shower wall as “It creates a sauna-like effect in your shower and minimizes the possibility that water will wash away lubricants.”
Tara Struyk, Co-Founder of Kinkly, shares:
- DO use lube but choose carefully! Water can actually make things a bit sticky when it comes to intercourse, hand-jobs or any skin-on-skin friction. Lube to the rescue!
Silicone lube is your best bet here – it’s waterproof, so it won’t wash straight down the drain. However, do be careful about how you apply this stuff! Just like it can make bodies slippery, it can also make shower and bathtub floors dangerously slick – apply with caution!
Walsh adds “If you want to have penetrative sex, but don’t want to risk the lubrication washing away, switch up your location part of the way through. You can stick to non-penetrative forms of sex while you’re in the shower, then P-in-V in bed (or the bathroom counter, or wherever suits your fancy). Just make sure you’ve got a heater going or a pile of towels waiting for you when you get out!”
- DO use props and bring toys! One downside to having sex in the shower or tub is getting leverage, especially while standing. Having something to hold onto besides your partner really helps. Scope out your tub for safe things to lean, grab or put a foot onto. If you don’t have one and shower sex is your thing, consider installing a sturdy grab bar in a way that suits you.
Many sex toys are waterproof and fully submersible these days. If you think it’ll add to the experience, don’t hesitate to bring one (or a few) along.
Kelly Nolan, owner of the website Lush Sensation, reiterates Struyk’s insight sharing “Water-proof vibrators are a great way to pleasure yourself while doing some seductive maneuvers on your partner. One of the best options for waterproof vibrators is the “Love Honey Silencer” which is one of the most reviewed toys available. Just remember, water-based lube works best with silicone products, while silicone lube works best for wet play! Do not use silicone lube with silicone-based sex toy products!”
- DO keep the water temperature lukewarm (not too hot, not too cold). It’s hard to get in the mood and keep it up when you’re both doing it in cold water. A hot shower + sex workout can also overheat your body. You may start feeling lightheaded and lose your balance, ultimately leading to severe injuries.
- DO maximise the space you have in the shower. Make the most of the amount of space that you have for shower sex. Pick up towels, razors, and keep random bottles away, so you have more space.
Shower Sex Don’ts
- DON’T focus only on penetrative sex. Shower sex is not all about vaginal or anal sex till you hit the big O. Many couples claim that they don’t usually get off from having sex in the shower. Use the shower to engage in other types of play before sex, like exploring each other’s body and oral sex. You can even make post-sex more intimate by taking a shower together.
- DON’T forget to use a condom. Even if shower sex appears clean, it will not protect you 100% from STIs. Use a condom for oral and penetrative sex.
- DON’T stay too long in the shower. Wet and moist areas of the body are where bacteria and fungi thrive. Stay away from potential infections by drying your bodies properly after shower sex.
- DON’T stay in one spot. Shower sex is at its best when you can play with your positions and angles. I would recommend a shower with a bathtub in it because it will provide a ledge for you to step onto, prop up your leg, or lean up against. This way, you can play with the angles, levels, and positioning of the space around you.
Because all bodies are different, it can be difficult to recommend any specific sex position for this. Standing in the shower means that you’ll be dealing with all different body strengths, heights, and shapes that work differently. Experiment with the space to discover which angles suit your body best!
Alex Miller, Sexologist for Orchid Toys adds:
- DON’T put your body weight on anything that is not totally secure and slip-resistant. Don’t hold on to anything that isn’t a real grab bar or made for such purposes. Soap dishes, shower doors, and the like may not be anchored directly into wall studs and sheetrock/tile anchors cannot support a full-grown person’s body weight, especially when rocking back and forth.
Steffo Shambo, Tantra Coach, Sex & Relationship Expert and Founder of Tantric Academy, advises:
- DON’T try weird sex positions. Trying weird sex positions may not be safe in the shower and can lead to injuries. This is highly important as you want to be sure that sex in the shower is pleasurable during and after.
Struyk agrees that you should not get too ambitious with your shower sex positions, sharing “We’re all for testing your limits with a new and challenging sex position, but the tub isn’t the place to do it. It’s slippery, there isn’t a lot to hold on to and if you do fall, you are likely to hit your head on something hard! Stick with positions you are already comfortable with on solid ground and save experimenting for safer spaces.”
- DON’T use soap as lube. You can use it to wash yourself, or even to give your partner a sexy show while you do it, but don’t use soap as lube. It’s much too harsh, particularly for vulvas.
Professional Dating and Relationship Coach at DatingXP.co, Mary J. Gibson, concludes:
- DON’T stress! Shower sex is always not perfect or easy, especially if it’s your first time. If you’re just trying it out and find it’s not actually working for you and your partner, then don’t be scared to move elsewhere. You can take it to the bedroom and try again on another day.
Sex and Relationship Expert, Jonathan White, adds “Don’t take shower sex too seriously. There may be some awkward moments, especially trying to get into the right position. Make it fun and lighthearted!”
Now that you’ve mastered the art of shower sex on paper, it’s time to put what you’ve learned into action with these shower sex positions, recommended by ASTROGLIDE’s own sexologist, Dr. Jess O’Reilly.
Shower Sex Positions
Stand and Steam: Stand in the shower and allow the steam to further heat things up. You can get down on your knees and go down on your partner or lift a leg around their waist. And of course, you can look across or up into their eyes and play with the power of engaging in eye contact and playfully looking away.
Modified Standing Missionary: If missionary is your favorite, you’ll likely struggle to lie down unless you’re lucky enough to have an oversized shower. If you do, consider a padded bathmat and inflatable tub pillows for comfort. If lying down isn’t an option, try a modified standing-missionary position. Stand facing one another and have one partner bend their leg and place their foot on the side of the tub or on a shower stool so that you can get even closer.
Tub Love: One partner sits in the tub with their legs outstretched (or knees slightly bent) and the other sits on top facing away to control the tempo and rhythm.
Spread ‘Em: One partner spreads their legs and arms out so that their body assumes the shape of an “X”. The other slides in from behind pressing the front partner’s hands and body into the cold, wet wall.
Bend Over Baby: One partner bends from the hips at a 90-degree angle using the wall as support. The other enters from behind with their hands on the bent partner’s hips.
Shower Exhibition: Both partners stand upright for rear entry or approach (this works for penetrative sex with a penis or strap-on and for oral from behind). The front partner presses their body against the glass so that you can play with the fantasy of showing off and being watched.
Use Your Shower Stool: If you have the space for a shower stool and it is stable, you can use it as a position prop. Bend over the stool with your feet on one side and your hands on the ground on the other side as your partner approaches from behind (for oral or intercourse).
To Give Oral to Someone with a Penis: Have them stand with their back against the wall and get down on your knees. If you’re under the flow of water, make sure you have space to breathe.
To Give Oral to Someone with a Vagina: Have them stand upright and place one foot up on the side of the tub or on a shower stool. Sit or kneel beneath them.
O’Reilly adds “Regardless of position or sex act, consider slowing your breath and breathing in sync. Couples can experience physiological synchronization and the shared connection can help to put you at ease and encourage you to be more present in the moment, which can lead to heightened pleasure and intimacy.
All in all, shower sex should be a fun, exhilarating, and intimate experience for you and your partner (or favorite toy!). Go at your own pace, be communicative with one another, and of course, don’t forget the ASTROGLIDE!
April showers bring May flowers, and really awesome orgasms too, so we’re told.
Isharna Walsh, Founder and CEO of Coral.
Amy Baldwin, Sex Educator, Sex and Relationship Coach and Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast
Deon Black, Sex Coach at Let’s Talk Sex
Tara Struyk, Co-Founder of Kinkly
Kelly Nolan, owner of the website Lush Sensation
Dainis Graveris, Certified Sex Educator and Relationship Expert at SexualAlpha
Alex Miller, Sexologist for Orchid Toys
Jonathan White, Sex and Relationship Expert