(When the snag sizzles and the swag beckons—here’s how to turn a three-day escape into a star-lit, friction-free romp.)
January’s most Australian truth
When the long-weekend hits, half the country bolts for the coast or the nearest pub blasting icy air-con. Sun-soaked and salt-slick, they rinse off the day’s sand, down a couple of cold ones, then sneak back to the tent to see how loudly canvas can squeak when bare skin’s sliding, grinding and sweating beneath a sky full of stars.
Yet half the bush-camp horror stories you hear—chafe, mozzie welts, a ranger’s torch at the tent door—stem from five minutes of poor prep. A few smart tweaks let you claim the erotic side of Australia’s big back yard without bringing home sand rash or a $550 indecency fine.
1. Pitch the swag like you plan to use it
Forget the Instagram ridge-top pic; you want level, leaf-litter ground so your hips don’t slide into the wall mid-thrust. Face the swag opening away from the track, and zip the mesh as soon as you stow your sleeping bags—brown snakes love residual body heat at night.
Inside, drop a cheap cotton sheet over the floor before you unzip anything else. That single barrier catches dust and eucalyptus chips, so your knees won’t grind red grit into tender parts later.
2. Fire-ban-safe ambience
Total fire bans blanket half the country on Australia Day, which means no candles to set the mood.
- Clip a USB fairy-light string to the swag apex. Warm glow, zero embers.
- Crack two glow sticks you’ve pre-frozen; they kick out a cool light and drop interior temperature a notch.
- Need warmth? Boil water on the stove before curfew, seal it in a stainless drink bottle, wrap in a T-shirt and slide under blankets for a DIY hot-water bottle.
3. Beat dust and sweat with the right glide
Sweat, red dirt and latex are a brutal combo. One 30mL tube of ASTROGLIDE X Silicone Gel weighs less than a muesli bar, shrugs off 45°C ute interiors, and stays slippery through tent humidity and river dips. A pea-sized blob per round keeps thrusts smooth even when your thighs are salty with DEET.
4. Positions that respect the bush (and your knees)
- Tailgate Thruster – partner sits on the tray, you stand between their knees: zero ground contact, easy escape if headlights appear.
- Deep-Swag Side-Spoon – both on your sides; unzip the back flap for extra airflow. Perfect when mozzies launch kamikaze attacks.
- Tree-Hug Reverse Cowgirl – receiver backs against a smooth trunk, one leg around partner’s hip. Great leverage without dusty kneecaps.
5. Mozzies, ants & unexpected rangers
Spray ankles, inner thighs and bum cheeks before clothes come off. Keep a thin sarong within arm’s reach; if a four-wheel-drive creeps past, one flick and you’re G-rated. And remember: Leave No Trace isn’t optional—used condoms and wipes ride back out with you.
6. Quick clean when there’s no shower block
Pee – always. Wipe with unscented personal wipes and pocket them in a zip bag. Swish toys in bottled water, pat dry, store in a breathable pouch. Massage a fingertip of ASTROGLIDE Ultra-Gentle Gel onto any rubbed-raw skin so tomorrow’s waterfall hike doesn’t burn.
The after-sun encore
Australia Day mornings often dawn with both partners pink-tinged from river swims. Keep aloe in the esky; follow with a light slick of ASTROGLIDE O Massage Oil & Personal Lube to trap moisture while you share last night’s highlight reel over instant coffee.
Bottom line
A swag, a sky full of Southern Cross sparkle and a silicone mini-lube can out-class any five-star hotel—provided you pack smart, respect the land and remember that sand is a terrible bedfellow. Plan, protect, then let the cicadas provide the soundtrack to your very Australian long-weekend romp. 🌄💜