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A Sexologist’s Guide to Kissing

Posted By Jess O'Rielly  

A Sexologist’s Guide to Kissing

Episode 23

Kissing is more than a means to an end! If you want to take your kissing game to the next level, listen to this quickie episode and try out some of Jess’ favourite techniques tonight.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts

Partial Podcast Transcript Below:

Kissing is apparently not a natural act – meaning that it hasn’t existed since the beginning of human time. I know that it seems to us that it’s a totally innate behaviour, historians and evolutionary researches suggest that it actually emerged from maternal feeding routines. In fact, many cultures have prospered without locking lips which serves as a reminder that kissing is an erotic art as opposed to a reproductive imperative.

From a scientific perspective — even though it’s not innate — it’s likely that kissing may have been found to find its way into the mating game eventually. Not only does locking lips result in a flurry of feel-good hormones that promote relaxation and bonding, but from an evolutionary perspective, kissing may help us to gauge compatibility and other attributes of potential mates through our olfactory system. One study revealed that women prefer men whose scents contain immune genes (histocompatibility complex) that are different than their own. Scientists believe that this instinctive desire for genetic difference serves the evolutionary function of ensuring stronger offspring. Accordingly, the degree of chemistry you experience when you first kiss, may be an indicator of compatibility measured by your nose as opposed to your mouth or other body parts.

Kissing also involves the swapping of saliva, which contains testosterone, and this hormone is associated with libido. In conjunction with other research suggesting that men are more likely than women to seek and initiate deep tongue kissing, this may explain some of the gender differences in perceptions of kissing: while men tend to utilize making out as a means to an end (sex), women view kissing as a barometer with which to gauge their lover’s commitment and monitor their relationship status.

However you view it, smooching plays a prominent role in seduction, romantic attachment, and sexual arousal. Unfortunately, in long-term relationships, we often stop kissing or push passionate kissing aside in favor of other forms of foreplay.  And while there is no universal hierarchy of sex acts, research suggests that kissing is not only good for your health but also promotes happier relationships. In one study, conducted by behavioral scientist Kerry Floyd, couples who were instructed to kiss more often reported fewer fights, greater relationship satisfaction, less stress and lower cholesterol in comparison to couples who received no instruction with regard to kissing. In addition to lowering cortisol levels (which reduces stress), kissing has also been linked with improvements to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is essential to sexual response.

Despite the mounting evidence that locking lips is good for you and your love life, mastering the art of kissing and keeping things fresh can be a challenge. So read through the following suggestions and techniques to learn a few new tricks designed to keep you happy, healthy and very much in love for years to come…

The Soft-Lipped Kiss

Some people believe that the world is divided into two types of kissers: soft-lipped and firm-lipped. But the reality is that our sexual style varies according to our mood just as our appetite changes from day to day. If your lover seeks romance and often needs help relaxing to get in the mood, slide your lips gently against theirs with only feather-light contact. Take your time and gently pucker their lower lip between yours allowing your gentle breathing to slow their breath rate and send their body into a state of deep relaxation.

Lip Lining

Give your honey a peek into your oral skills as you masterfully trace your tongue around the curves of their lips paying extra attention to the thin skin in the corners where the upper and lower lips meet. If their lips remain closed, sensually slide your tongue from one side to the other just inside the crease of their lips.

Sweet Spot

You’re probably familiar with the frenulum of the penis, but this sensitive connective tissue also exists just inside the lips. Slide your tongue inside and twirl it purposefully around the shallow space between their lips and teeth before moving on to deep, french kissing.

Basic Tongue Twirl

As you press your lips together, tilt your head slightly to the side and suck as gently as your twirl you tongue around her.

Resting Tongues

As you kiss, you not only exchange energy and saliva but a spike in dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with reward and pleasure, can create a natural high. Prolong the euphoria by pressing your lips passionately into his resting your tongue inside of his mouth without moving. Breathe deeply through your nose as your pupils dilate and the blood rushes to the surface of your skin.

Top Shelf Kiss

Swipe your tongue along the roof of your lover’s mouth, as this area is sensitive and often neglected.

The Stoplight

Kiss your lover out in public at every stoplight or come up with a code word (e.g. “thank you” or “fun”) and stop what you’re doing to french kiss whenever you utter this buzzword.


Hold one another by the cheeks as you kiss deeply and passionately. The face is the most sensual part of the body, but receives little attention in the way of touch.

As you kiss, take turns taking the lead — being a giver and receiver — this doesn’t mean you just sit there, but allowing your partner to lead gives you a chance to learn what they like.

For Sex Geeks

Kissing and lip contact involves five of our 12 cranial nerves and up to 30 muscles including the orbicularis oris, which allows us to purse our lips and the palatoglossus, which elevates and retracts the tongue.

FAQ: Kissing turns me on, but my boyfriend says it doesn’t “do anything” for him. How do I get him to kiss me more?

You can start by telling him just how much you love his kisses and just how much they turn you on. A few sexy whispers might help you to get more of what you want…

But if you really want to eroticize any sexual activity, integrate it into the parts of your sexual routine that are already hot to create an erotic association. Make a habit of kissing him during his orgasm or while you are giving him a smokin’ hot hand job. His mind and body will eventually learn to associate kissing with peak arousal and he may become more inclined to make kissing a prelude or accompaniment to your existing sex life.

More tips:

  • Put your hands against the back of their neck, against their cheeks or around their core.
  • Breath deeply. More deeply than might feel natural. When you’re excited, anxious, nervous or waiting in anticipation, you may hold your breath.